About Kurt

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. I was born on May 3rd, 1973 in Puyallup, WA. If memory serves I went to Edgemont Junior High and Puyallup High School where I excelled in classes like Band and Auto Shop, graduating 327th of 413. After high school, I spent 3 years on the professional bowler’s tour but due to some unpleasantness I was eventually banned from all US bowling allies. From ’94 to ’96 I was a headliner in a show tunes review in Branson, MO. Living the fast life in Branson it was only a matter of time until I became addicted to pain killers and heroin. In May of ’96 I left Branson and checked myself into the Betty Ford Center. It was here that I met my 4th wife, Tami. After kicking my heroin habit and the subsequent methadone addiction, I was free to pursue other interests. After a series of adventures in central Africa I finally realized my lifelong dream. Being the personal Chef for His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Doctor Idi Amin Dada. After Dr. Amin’s death in August of 2003, I decided to return to the United States. However, due to my close relationship with Idi Amin I was detained by the FBI and spent 6 months in Guantanamo Bay. I’m currently posing as Systems Administrator at Highline Community College trying to infiltrate the many radical left wing organizations on campus.

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